


Satisfied

by consulting_dreamer



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - The Sign of Three, Confessions, Hamilton References, Other, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad, Sherlock References, Sherlock's Mind Palace, Sherlock's speech, Song: Satisfied (Hamilton), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consulting_dreamer/pseuds/consulting_dreamer
Summary: Sherlock realizes the three underlying truths as he gives his Best man's speech in John and Mary's wedding. And with each word, he knew he'll never be satisfied. With each utter he knew, he will regret it of the rest of his life.
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Satisfied

**Author's Note:**

> You don't have to understand all the random references, it's gonna be sad anyway.

Silence had taken its turn after chairs got pushed back and footsteps stopped. The polished hardwood floor reflected the lights of the chandelier above the reception, while the yellow coloured walls with paintings of magpies stood in the background, and yet it distracted Sherlock from speaking his speech as best man.

Fifty pairs of eyes laid on the singular man standing in front of them. Fifty pairs of ears waited for a sound to come out and break the deafening silence. Everyone waited for him.

His hands started to sweat and the glass he was holding was slipping in his fingertips. His ears were ringing as he watched them whispering to each other with judging, confused eyes. His heart was pounding loudly against his tight chest, as if wanting to be away from this situation because his biggest regret was of his friend John.

John stood behind him, unfortunately out of reach. He wasn't like that before, and he wasn't supposed to be. They were once side by side, tight as a knot together, and knew each other better than the other. The type of companionship anyone would be lucky to have. The type anyone would be unlucky to have it disappear. Slipping through fingers like forgotten apologies and forgiveness; fading in the darkness are the left out mess and unattached strings. Such a case is that it has been solved, but will never be closed as it waits for nothingness.

Sherlock fought the urge to look back, for he feared he might never confront the future again. He can fall and drown into the void and never climb back up again because no light will guide him in the shadows of despair. He can regret all of this in silence once he leaves and for the rest of his days.

His nervous eyes wandered to a flickering candle on the closest table to him. It flickered when they first met as well — glimmer of excited curiosity; and on the table they first sat — spark of thrill. For years and years of them together against the rest of the world, lives were filled with satisfaction and adventure in solving cases. Until one spilled and left the other broken.

Things have never been the same.

John found someone else he wanted to spend his life with. Sherlock was left on the pavement. Mary led the way to change as she wore her beautiful white wedding gown. It must be nice to have _someone_ by your side.

“Sherlock?” John called behind him in concern, and Sherlock was redeemed back into reality. His brain went to auto-pilot mode and he spoke the speech he solemnly made, only for it to lose its meaning when he realized three underlying truths terrorizing all this time.

He paused for a second then continued, roaming a bit in the room to ease a little bit of the tension.

He wanted to scold himself how sentiment is getting the best of him in a situation he never wanted nor asked for. Sherlock was helpless as he stood in the middle of the sea, stuck and alone in this truth. He had to be naїve to set that aside, focusing more on his working facade.

Outside Sherlock’s panicking mind, people seemed to be entertained to whatever he was saying about marriage and murder, and the undiscriminating love and death in between . They sat idly in their chairs with drinks near their hands. One of the three truths was that everyone hears but never listens. “You see but you don’t observe,” as Sherlock used to say to fools and friends.

He kept babbling now about the world and fate and coincidence.

_It couldn’t be possible now is it that coincidence has been playing a game of cards, and unfortunately an ugly fate it flipped into as Sherlock sees the world, his own world begins to burn._

“Forgotten about what we say to coincidences now, have we, Sherlock?”

“The universe is rather so lazy.”

But Sherlock was an Icarus who took his shot into the sky, only for the bullet to land back on him.

Sherlock was near the finishing part of his speech and he dreaded to meet its end. Because when it ends, who will live to tell the story of the adventure of two men solving mysteries and finding both love and tragedy in it? It stays as a memory, perhaps a legacy that no one appreciates because no one ever listens.

He looked around first at how unlucky he was to be in this room right now. Voice suddenly stuck on his dry throat. All eyes and ears on him, as if there’s a million crimes he had done. He took a deep breath and finally faced the newly married couple _— the final truth._

Words fell out of his mouth and yet he didn’t understand any of it. Like a machine, automatic and numb. Numb with finally accepting the three painful truths he knew shouldn’t be affecting him this much.

_Sentiment again. Why doesn’t it discriminate? Why does it take and it take?_

Sherlock looked at John’s eyes, and everything went back on rewind. The start of a wonderful friendship, banters and domestics, a great game of bombs, a brutal game of Cluedo, fearing fantasies and failures and falls. Healing broken ties and now the making of vows.

_“Love is a dangerous disadvantage…”_

He looked into his eyes. Eyes that have seen too many things of the scary, destructive world already. Eyes he wouldn’t see as often and only imagine in his loneliest nights. Nights he will spend with the recurrent regret that will soon conquer the deepest depths of his heart.

_“... This is your heart…”_

… and it has suffered too much and yet, there’s a lot of care it still shares to the people you love. John Watson, what a miss you were, and I’ll forever be an unfortunate man because I had you in my life. At least, you were in my life and took a piece of the heart of this monster who will never be satisfied.

_“... and you should never let it rule your head.”_

Sherlock smiled at them after his speech. He turned around again and took a brave step forward, still keeping the broken smile on his face. He confidently raised his champagne glass and everyone in the room stood for the awaited toast.

“TO THE GROOM!” started Sherlock, his voice loud and calm. Greg observed how Sherlock tried to hide the tremors on his other hand.

“To the groom,” repeated everyone in the groom, raising their drinks as well.

“TO THE BRIDE!” continued Sherlock, a hint of breaking was almost missed by Molly and Mrs. Hudson if they didn’t listen.

“To the bride,” said everyone who only heard.

“FROM YOUR BEST MAN, _YOUR BESTFRIEND,_ AND YOUR TRUSTY ALLY— ” Sherlock faced the two again, knowing they were both proud and happy. “— A VOW I MAKE TO BE THERE FOR YOU ALWAYS.”

John’s smile widened and he gave Sherlock an appreciative nod. He would’ve lost it then and there, but he had to keep fighting the battle he stepped into. Sherlock returned a soft nod and turned away from John, facing the future he feared.

“TO YOUR UNION!

“AND THE HOPE THAT YOU PROVIDE.

“May you always, always… be satisfied.”

**e n d**


End file.
